Overcomer

In life we face many obstacles. Some difficulties are seen as if they may be what breaks us, but by some miracle we manage to get back up again. I cannot fathom nor remember how many times I felt like giving up, like I couldn’t take anymore, like I didn’t matter. Independently I faced some dark times, that looking back I cannot understand how I made it through. Death, loss, and abuse are all dark horrid parts of me; I always wanted to leave them covered up and to never share them with the world. Through the years however I have realized, my battle scars are reasons for victory. They are road maps of cliffs and valleys I never dreamt of going through but somehow had to face.

I used to question if anybody cared, if anybody could hear me screaming hysterically in pain. There was so much hurt, so much strife but even then, I used to try to hold it all inside. When my cup would over flow, negativity would sink me into darkness and I would spin out of control and no one understood. My emotions would take me into a place where I wanted to give up and stop fighting the demons that wanted to destroy me. I thought that by playing the facade of a happy soul, it would somehow become a reality. All I ever did was make the scars deeper and wider within me and the burden heavier to carry. I realized slowly somehow I had to deal with the pain, the insecurities, the memories left behind because they were still a big part of the life I was trying to built. Life really does happen to us, and what we do with it is what will be our outcome. By sharing my story I simply hope to reach a person that is at that point of giving up. At that point where they may be not want to return.

We all have those moments that we feel so alone even when we are in a room full of people we care about. Even our closest friends cannot hear our pain, they cannot hear our own self doubts. Even those who we claim to know us deeper than anyone else do not know the emotions we feel. The sleepless nights of crying ourselves into our pillows at night. They cannot hear the hollow cries with a covered smile. There in our deepest pain, lowliest moments; the only one that really knows is you and God. Your mind has a way of compartmentalizing moments in time we so deeply want to forget. There in those moments when our minds remember, our heart drops, our stomachs clench, and somehow the streams of pain try to find a way from the inside out. In truth, life really is hard. From those very first moments we have to cry to show the world we truly are alive and well, the pain and turmoil begins. We didn’t ask to come into this world, yet somehow here we are. We didn’t necessarily choose our path. Where is the board to play and which piece are we? Are we able to move one step at a time and side to side with indefinite limit but the power all our own. Are we the simple pawn in the front line protecting those we love behind us to become anything we can as long as we make it to the end of the line.

Who are we really and what is our purpose? Many writers, historians and scholars have longed to find the answer to the question of our eternal purpose and design. The greater picture I suppose. While the world is out there trying to figure out our reason for being, each individual is drowning by the sound of their own voice. Overcoming, facing our fears, learning from our mistakes, and trying again are all ways to take care of the individual that is you. How can you and I take care of others when we can’t even take care of ourselves. Crazy, yes. Absurd, definitely... but still somehow an every day occurrence to our own existence. We go through life trying to help and explain the lives of those we care about but are oblivious in how to handle the chaos of our own.

When we acknowledge our flaws and turn them into our strengths is the day we truly become free from our pain and learn to accept nothing in life is perfect. As beautiful as a diamond may be when intwined with a forever question, at that moment no one thinks about the strife it once had to face. A diverse rainbow may be kind and beautiful with a sprinkle of water but no one thinks about the storm. As the sunshine gives light with a leap of a new beginning, it once had to fade into a backdrop and give room to the dark. We are all made from dark, hard, painful moments, but those moments don’t have to drain or haunt us forever. Those moments can be used as strengths, as achievements, as proof that we are all indeed over-comers. We could have given up, but we didn’t. We could have thrown in the towel and people could have understood; brought flowers, given speeches about how noble we were, how much we will be missed. We could have, but we didn't, and because we didn’t that says we are strong. That strength can be turned into passion, into a drive, into a purpose, into a victory, into a helping hand. What will you do with your untold story?